Coffee and Pie, Oh My!

Tonight I feel like the whole world is asleep.
Except for me, I'm awake.

That's silly, of course.

I must admit for a while now I've had a juvenile school girl crush on my hottie psychology professor. He's a very intelligent, seemingly laid back, funny nerdy guy. Despite how some people feel about environment and situation playing the larger role in the cause of social behavior, I think his personality is the type that would pervade the situation.

Hottie professor also mentioned that he's in the middle of a divorce.

Now I know what you're thinking, but the answer is no. I do operate by a self-created and defined moral and ethical code, and teacher-student relations would be damaging to both our academic careers.

But that's not the only reason. It would, most simply, be creepy. Crushes on teachers are not supposed to play out, ever.

I had wanted to go out of town to see Derek over Thanksgiving break, but unfortunately I'm rather poor and also I've acquired a load of schoolwork to complete over the weekend.

But I found out that he's going to be coming into town to see family. I got a little concerned when I heard that he'd be staying at home. Thanksgiving, as Americans have come to know it, is all about gorging oneself on way too much food then struggling to stay awake during the football game.

I was worried that he wouldn't have enough to eat with nobody cooking for him. But now that he's coming into town, he can be with family, eat plenty, and I can bake something delicious for him.

I've been baking a lot lately, and Tony called last night when I was baking a pumpkin pie. He said, "I kind of want to date you now. The fact that you bake makes you really cool." I guess I wasn't cool before he found out I bake regularly, so now I have another weapon in my arsenal if someone else starts to think I'm lame.

"Oh yeah? Well, before you render your opinion indelible, try these cookies I just took out of the oven."

Right at Home

I've found in the past couple months that the state of my kitchen tables seems to reflect the state of happenings in my life:

Turbulent. Scattered, disorganized. In need of some love and repair and at the very least a good surface cleaning.

My hopes are that once the semester is over, and I have a couple weeks to simultaneously unwind and also psych myself up for the next five months of classes, the table's clutter will dissipate and my soul will mirror this.

I haven't much felt myself lately, but I'm starting to consider that this not-myself state has actually become my new self.

I'm poor. I'm worried that I won't make rent this month. I'm constantly tired and achy. I've been ill for the past two weeks. I feel like I've aged 20 years in the past one.

In spite of these things though, I am happy. I'm on my own. I'm gaining new insights. I'm having fun. I'm creating ideas. And I'm still disciplined enough to forge ahead with my schooling.

The past seven months have shown me the way in which to order my priorities, and any possible combination of success begins with schooling at the top.

The past seven months have also hardened me, helping to teach me the lesson I've tacitly accepted without (until now) having much experience to back: people are difficult to trust, and trust is one area in which the benefit of the doubt should not be so easily afforded to others.

My former patience is subsiding into bitterness, suspicion, and skepticism.
I'll be a spinster for sure.

Lindsey and her brother have taken the day off to have lunch out of town and thrift store hop.

I'm slightly envious, but motivated to push on.

I have an exam in Social Psychology today. Here's to aces.

What else is new?

I'm not sure why I am constantly reminded that I can only depend on myself, but the message doesn't seem to be ingrained yet.

Guys are now coming and going so quickly that I don't even get a chance to mention them before they're gone.

I told myself that I'm not going to date anymore, then I let myself get hooked up by a friend, rinse and repeat.

This time I mean it.

I'm flying solo.

Goodbye emotions, goodbye relationship rules, goodbye drama, goodbye bullshit, goodbye false beliefs.

Goodbye.

OBAMA '08!

I'm proud to have voted for our 44th, bi-racial President of the United States.

Here is what I'm going to say about the status of my health (and health care):

BULLSHIT.

I am a law-abiding citizen, with the exception of my marijuana-smoking tendencies (pot should be legalized anyway). I pay my bills (and on time), I pay my taxes every year, I go to college (and receive decent to excellent marks in all my classes), I contribute to society by working (among other things), I am a decent person, I try to help others and be sympathetic to others' needs, I don't have an arrest record, I have an almost clean driving record (a parking ticket and an accident for which I am not at fault), I don't speed (particularly in school zones) and I don't do anything stupid like purchase alcohol or drugs for minors.

Yet I do not qualify for health care.

My employer's excuse? I don't work ENOUGH. How lame is that?

In either case, I am ecstatic that Obama won the 2008 presidential election, because this country is in dire need of some change. And I don't want to sit around at home missing class and school and thinking to myself, "Am I sick enough to warrant seeing a doctor that I can't afford, or should I wait it out and hope it doesn't get worse?"

On the off chance there are still people that believe some false information about Obama, I'd like to clear a couple things up:

Obama is NOT a Muslim.
Obama did NOT receive campaign funding from "terrorist organizations."
Obama is NOT the anti-Christ.
Obama is NOT trying to steal your money.

J'ai besoin d'une bonne idée

I woke up yesterday sick sick sick.

Sinus infection, I thought. Now I'm thinking it's something else.

I suppose my self-diagnosis ability is irrelevant, however, because I don't have health insurance. Unfortunately, my employer at the Restaurant requires that I work 50 hours per pay period to qualify for their slightly better than average coverage, but I only need to work around 45 hours every pay period to pay the bills (and I don't particularly wish to work any longer).

So, I have a couple options. Either I work a little more and meet the base hourly requirement, or I continue to work the amount I am now and tough it out when I'm sick or find an alternate means of paying for my health.

Like prostitution, or selling crack.
Both are lucrative businesses.

I'm sure that you've grown tired of my whining in previous posts, and so have I.

It's a deadly cycle. Get lonely, attempt to fix this problem through sex or disillusioning myself into thinking I want a relationship, then realizing it's too much bullshit and I should just be focusing on school, then cutting out the pork.

So I've reordered my priorities (with school at the top) just in time to become ill enough to know it's reasonable to miss class.

I wish there was a way that I could (legally) make money without actually having to work. I've got some free time today since I'm not in class, so I'll see what I can come up with.