Step 1: Don't Forget Your Brain

I absolutely despise being sick.

It clouds my mind, makes me feel enfeebled and incapacitated, and shackles me to the couch for days on end.

Last Thursday I woke up with a relatively wicked sore throat, and thinking it was just a cold or flu coming on, I went to work and didn't think anything of it. The next day my tonsils were so enlarged I could barely breathe without experiencing some sort of pain.

Having health insurance again (sadly this makes me feel like a king), I decided to go to the walk-in clinic Saturday because I didn't want to wait until Monday to try to get in at the doctor's. My swab test was positive for strep throat. Then something amazing happened. They gave me a steroid shot in the ass, and it effectively reduced then eliminated all inflammation, difficulty swallowing, and general discomfort I had been suffering the past few days. I'm not typically the type of person to submit to having foreign chemicals injected into my body (least of all my butt), but damn...that was nice.

And now a few days later I'm sick again, with something else this time. I've transformed from not being able to swallow into a veritable snot-and-phlegm factory. It's...well, disgusting. From strep to common cold. It's almost a downgrade.

This is what being sick does to me:

I intended to deposit some money at the bank, then swing back and hit up the new Publix around the corner for groceries, and then return home. This is what actually happened: I went to the bank and realized once I got there I had forgotten half of the deposit, namely the portion that was set aside for paying the cable bill today. This means I'd have to make a second trip. I went to the new Publix, and witnessed the ordeal that is trying to find a parking spot in a snazzy new grocery store on opening day, finally got inside, and realized I had forgotten the rather lengthy list of items I desired to purchase.

I left the grocery store, went back home, found one of the checks I meant to deposit and searched all over for the other one. I finally found it, endorsed the checks, set them down to tuck away the grocery list, then realized I had misplaced my keys. I found the keys (in my back pocket...absentmindedness, ftw), took my grocery list, got in the car, and headed back to the store. Just outside of my apartment complex I realized I forgot the checks I needed to deposit. So...I turned around, went back to the apartment, picked up the checks, made sure I had the list, left, went to the store, bought my shit, loaded the car, picked up lunch, came home, ate, put the groceries away, and then remembered that I still hadn't gone back to the bank to deposit the checks.

Fuck me.
I hate being sick.

Aside from clearly being a hindrance to myself, however, I've eliminated most distractions from my life.

Go, Sarah...! Right?

Also, as an afterthought, I'd like to provide a couple updates on events mentioned in past posts that have not until now been cleared up.

For starters, I did continue to see C for perhaps another month or so. We went out to bars/clubs a few times, places that my co-workers haunt, and they all thought he was a babe. The ones who talked to him at any length longer than "hello" told me that he's not very interesting. Duh. Anyway, I basically told him I didn't want to see him anymore, but got him on board to the point that it almost seemed like it was his idea. And then he left suddenly to go home to Michigan. Either way, problem solved.

The other thing is that Jessica, in fact, returned the money that she borrowed. Well, most of it. It was ten dollars short, but not worth pointing out, as I didn't honestly expect to see any of that money again. I haven't spoken to her since.

There you have it, folks. My interestingly mundane life, for your pleasure.

General Guidelines for Less-Than-Fine Dining

Rules for the restaurant biz:

As a server:

1. DO NOT stop or turn abruptly.
   
2. DO NOT change direction without warning.
   
3. DO NOT walk backwards.
   
4. DO your sidework.
   
5. DO NOT be a douchebag.

As a "guest":

1. Consolidate! Don't ask for one thing at a time. It's annoying.
   
2. Don't order something that's not on the menu, please.
   
3. Just a reminder: it's polite to tip on your bill's total before any gift card deductions.
   
4. Don't be offended if servers don't laugh at your lame jokes.
   
5. It's not funny to joke about stiffing your server. I don't walk into your job and threaten to deplete your 401K or to walk off with your holiday bonus.
   
6. Be reasonable. Honestly.
   
7. Our restaurant is not your home. If you have a large party, you need to let us know. If you are done with your plates, please leave them on the table for us to pick up and not anywhere else, i.e. other tables, ledges, chairs, etc. If you have small children, prevent them from running around like feral cats.
   
8. You are not the only table in the restaurant. You are just as important, or unimportant, as every other guest I serve.

Thank you for heeding this announcement.