Evolutionary Me

It's amazing how some people you meet become the catalyst for self-analysis and personal evolution.

I'm glad to come across them in life; they seem to be increasingly rare.

Irritating^2

I absolutely despise waiting until the last possible minute to get schoolwork done, even though it seems (at the very least in the area of schoolwork) that I work better under pressure.

I've been doing really well in my classes lately, and I'm proud of myself. For certain I am no Albert Einstein, no Adam Smith, no Friedrich Nietzsche, and definitely no Sigmund Freud (although I have no problem with the last as untestable hypotheses don't a prosperous career make), but I am me. Who I am.

So please, lay off the criticism, everyone. I do the things that I do in life because they make me happy. If they cause people to think less of me, too bad. I'm not looking for respect so much as I am looking to maintain my contentment and uphold my own personal moral and ethical codes. And by personal, I mean fuck off. Seriously. I'm sick of being preached to by holier-than-thou pompous asses. I don't live the way you think a successful, spiritually attuned person should be living? My actions are what you consider unintelligent and pitiable? You're right. I'm a bad person and I'm going to suffer the consequences. Does that make you feel better? Important? Hearing that I think you're superior to me? Fine. Take that to your grave.

Ugh. Vent over. Just leave me alone unless you have something insightful to say, like, "Sarah, based on your interests and motivations, I think that this career would be a good fit for you. Here's why, and here's how to go about obtaining it." Or, "I know you have some unanswered questions about things like health care, 401K's, and mortgaging a house. I'd love to shed some light on those dark areas."

So now I'm trying to solve my own problems. I often bounce ideas off Loopis, or seek advice, or talk to her just to hear my own voice, but she's been preoccupied lately. Some people think the best way to derive solutions to quandaries is solitarily. I disagree. It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for most people to think subjectively and simultaneously completely objectively about their dilemmas. I like receiving feedback when I ask for it by people who can provide a different outlook than my own on situations in which I get myself. I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes I need help, or I have trouble seeing the whole truth.

Regardless, I have been working through my own thoughts without Loopis to act as my rubber wall, and with two exams coming up I wish I could either work through them faster or put them on the back burner for a while.

Lindsey has been a little distant, dealing with her own worries. There have been a couple times that I feel like she's shut me down when I've tried to talk to her, despite the fact that I never turn her away. It's not troublesome until I get to the point where I really need to sit down and sort things out with her and she's unavailable.

Recently there has arisen an issue concerning my birth control. Because Lindsey is more exposed to the health care system (for obvious reasons), and because Albert has worked in a pharmacy for the past several years, I thought their combined musings would provide me with the information I sought to appropriately resolve this issue. Perhaps they would have, if I had been told anything at all.

I attempted to just let it simmer on low for a while until I could resolve it myself, but of course it's difficult for me to completely hide my thoughts because both my actions and words are honest. I can be easily read if the right amount of time and care is taken.

And so Dane Cook Guy noticed something was up. I gave him a basic run-down of the predicament, and then apologized for getting him involved because he is not an expert on the topic of birth control and I know he couldn't really help me; besides, I usually retain all the "stupid girl stuff" for my chats with Lindsey. After all, her sex makes her more empathetic to my plight.

Dane Cook Guy said that he can be stupid and girly, if I need him to be. Meaning, of course, that he is willing to adapt his behavior as best he can to accommodate my emotional needs.

Most of you wouldn't even offer to do that. Express such concern and caring; characteristics that make us human and by my definition, good people.

With all your education, and intelligence, and declarative knowledge, are you still the better person?

Did you hang compassion out to dry, or trample people on your way to the top?

Well congratulations. I wish you success on your life path.