Blues

Friday, September 26, 2008

My birthday is on Tuesday

    and all my plans
      have
fallen
apart.


The only thing I've wanted for my birthday for the past twenty-one years almost is to have a big, memorable party with all my friends there.

Ok, so maybe when I'm thirty.

My plans to get Vietnamese for dinner and then sing karaoke, like we did on Lindsey's birthday, were dashed because everyone is too busy with schoolwork to stay out late.

I've replaced an intimate gathering on my actual birthday with hanging out downtown with Lindsey.

The party I was looking forward to having at Justin's house was canceled because he has two alternate sets of plans (neither involving my birthday) and even though I had been reminding him for the past two months that my party was coming up and he said I could have it at his house, his friendship fell through. I guess some people aren't as reliable as I hoped.

A crowded, rowdy party has been replaced with Lindsey's and my trip to the east coast on the 4th to dine at a restaurant I have been wanting to go back to since last summer.

It's impressive that the only thing I truly want for my birthday is to be surrounded by friends and people I care about, and I won't have that this year.

I suppose I should just get used to it by now.

The good news is that on Tuesday I will be twenty-one, and so I can legally drown all my birthday woes and still have a safe ride home.

Can I get the Chili-Con-Queso?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I can't believe how busy I've felt and how quickly time has seemed to go by lately.

I haven't felt this rushed, this pressed for time, this productive in such a long time. I've been fitting the gym in between school and work, and am really left with little time to relax. Or little time to be lazy.

It's amazing to feel like I finally am doing something purposeful, instead of just drifting by day by day.

My birthday is in thirteen days. It's so close.
Also, I've been spending much more time than usual on classwork--reading texts and doing assignments--so I feel as if I'm actually earning my degree.

Anyway.

Lindsey has been doing more of the chores lately because I've had less time available after school and work are said and done. It's like we're turning into a functional married couple.

The other night she made vegetarian chili, a big pot of it. It turned out amazing. We each ate two bowls while watching V for Vendetta, then I did the dishes while she put the leftovers in tupperware for us to eat for the next day or two. I ate both of mine pretty quickly because the chili is fucking delish, and tonight Linds is downtown with a friend who's just graduated college, and her chili was just sitting in the freezer, beckoning me.

I text her and asked, "So um...were you going to eat that chili?"
To which she replied: "You want it, it's yours. I'm going to make more."

Seriously. I am in love with the way that we get along as roommates.

I have the feeling we'll be living together for a while, and when it's time we separate I will feel like a part of me is missing.

Jesus, how gay do I sound?

Time for some chili.

Degrees of Freedom

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I came home from a lousy shift at work to discover that our apartment's brand new A/C unit is not functioning.

There is a more than slightly uncomfortable readout of 86°F on our thermostat, and the heat has caused Loopis and I to allow neighborhood voyeurism by opening all the windows and pulling aside the blinds to permit whatever wisp of breeze finds its way into our humble abode.

Tonight I will be forced to sleep naked in bed, on top of the blankets (which will be completely unnecessary), and be eaten alive by a swarm of mosquitoes that find their way in through the rips in the screens or cracks between the window and outer wall.

Tomorrow at school I will be miserable.

It's 87°F now. There is a direct correlation between an increase in temperature and a decrease in my motor activity.

I could try to not think about it, but what's the point?

I will fail at any and all attempts.

Fact about heat/humidity and me: when I become uncomfortably warm or hot in a situation in which I should be able to control my environment's temperature but cannot, I turn into She-Hulk.

Heads will roll tomorrow if maintenance does not return our home to an acceptable 76°F.

Pick Out the Seeds and Stems

Monday, September 8, 2008

It's strange how immediately comfortable I feel around certain people.

I became friends with Lindsey a few months after I started working at Chili's, but it was just six months ago that we really started hanging out and doing things outside of work.

Eventually Albert, Lindsey and I began spending time together on a regular basis, and shortly after that I went to Albert's house, and there I met his dad.

Al is a unique man. He's been smoking pot daily for nearly 30 years, his best friend just died at the age of 38, and Al quit his job two days ago on a whim and decided, essentially, to take an early retirement.

There are some people I will never feel comfortable around, even if I want to.

Initially I thought Al might be one of these people, because my friends' parents aren't normally in the habit of conspicuous daily long term illegal drug use, but the better I get to know him, the more he becomes almost like one of my friends in personality.

Yesterday Linds and I went to Albert's to bring him some yummy chocolate chip cookies we baked earlier in the evening, but we ended up staying quite some time.

Lindsey and Albert watched a show in Albert's room, while Al and I sat in the living room watching Psych and then Scrubs. As soon as I walked in, Al said, "Hey Sarah, what's up? I rolled us two joints." So I parked, smoked, watched some shows, then ate a piece of apple pie with black walnut ice cream Al offered me.

In no way, shape, or form am I at all attracted to this man (I feel this requires a preface) but if I dated someone who gets along with me in much the same way that Al does, and is just as laid back, he would melt my heart.

I guess this is a good place to segue into my recent (kind-of) dating adventures.

Ken has been talking to me more since we last saw each other at his and Justin's joint birthday (or was it after Divebar Disco III? sometimes these outings seem to blend into one another).

He told me earlier in the week I should go to Pulp this past Friday. Although clubbing isn't really my scene (or rather the location of the club), I had thought about going anyway because Jeff's birthday was Friday and he had asked me to come out.

I got out of work relatively early for a Friday night, took my bank and headed uptown to party. As usual, Pulp is much more entertaining when you aren't sober, and I was.

I talked to John for a little while, he asked me where I wanted to go on our date. Then Justin (whom I'm assuming was playing wing man for Ken) forcefully thrust himself directly (and literally) into the middle of our conversation and prevented me from talking to John. Later, John was found gettin' down on the dance floor with a blonde girl that he would later take home, along with her dark-haired friend that Justin was trying to have sex with.

We closed down the place. There was some talk about an after-party as John's. We walked to his house, three blocks away, to discover that he was in fact not home and also that he had left his loft apartment totally unlocked and unsecured. He didn't make an appearance, so we adjusted the plans to move the green party to our own town, except we split off; two-thirds ventured for falafel, while the other third (Ken and I) made our way back to Justin's where we would kick off more drinking (or any drinking, for me) and wait for the hunger fiends to satiate their longings.

We waited, the two of us, for an hour and a half and the others didn't reappear. We jumped on the trampoline for a while, and that's where Ken kissed me. On the trampoline. It was kind of fun.

After nearly two hours of waiting, we decided to leave. I took Ken home, since he left his keys in Justin's car which was apparently still an hour out of town and had no intention of departing until the following noon. It was so early in the morning it was late, and he asked me to come in with him. So I did. And I slept there. But I did not sleep with him.

I don't necessarily think I want to see him again, as more than a friend.

There's something brewing in my head, I just need to crack it open and figure it out.

Voilà!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Here are some pictures from Divebar Disco III and the after party, courtesy of whomever decided to risk getting out there with a camera.




I'm pretty sure we were not high-fiving in this picture.




I'm not sure why Linds and I are leaning back so far.




Get it, ma!


I was in charge of bubble-blowing.


There was more trampoline-jumping.

Me with the picture-takers:




In addition, I need to make a mental note (and probably a tangible note, for that matter) to thank everyone who got me drunk for free. Do I have some friends, or what?

J'envie

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I wish that wishing was enough to make someone a good person.

Et je suis ici, encore.

Incredibly tired. Linds thinks that I have an iron deficiency. She has set out some daily vitamin and mineral pills for me, in a place that I will notice, so that I will remember to take them. I'm making at least a small effort to increase my health, but I think I will need to focus on my mental health before my physical health. In particular, my memory.

My short-term memory has been horrible lately. Today I was able to recall the name of a character in a book that I have not read for at least seven years, but I cannot remember if the vitamin supplements I consumed were after yesterday's or today's breakfast.

I feel like overall I am deteriorating.
So is my bank account.

I need something financially beneficial to happen in my life so I can continue to feed myself.

I am twenty years old and I am starting to get white hair.
What the hell is going on?

Je regrette que les vœux ne soient pas assez.

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