Ball & Chain

Every once in a while I feel extremely vulnerable here.

I think it's because I've gotten used to Lindsey being around and it's weird being alone (it was quite the opposite a few months ago).

I don't doubt this apartment is safe. It's on the corner of the building, so the only way in and out is through the door unless you put a ladder up to the window. It hasn't bothered me since we've pulled the shades aside a month ago, but tonight I feel exposed. And cold. I guess I should close them.

Lindsey has told me today that lately I've been kind of rude and cold to her. I don't really see it, but I apologized anyway. If I am, I hope that my being incredibly stressed and tired over the past couple months is an accurate excuse, or else I don't know what's happening.

Last night we went to her family's ping pong tournament. We got there after the fact, but I played a game with Lindsey until her dad stepped in. The guy is really good at ping pong (and why wouldn't he be? He's good at everything else) and I'm not. Last night was the first time I've ever really played, but I picked it up pretty quick. I'd like to get a table to practice over the next year so I can claim my ping pong throne amongst the N. clan.

What else, what else.

Wednesday nights there is a new DJ thing downtown with JG and N8, it's become an interesting hangout. I get to chill with some cool people (I've grown quite fond of Ken's girlfriend Angela), listen to old school punk and rock, and get drunk for relatively cheap. And get laid. What?

I got drunk and slept with JB (the other half of Stavros). I had been trying to avoid this for a while, since hooking up with anyone in the Stavros group is like hooking up with them all.

My behavior lately has been horrendous, I admit. I've dropped a lot of cognitive dissonance by revising my code of morals and ethics to exclude some immoral and unethical actions I've taken lately (namely the sex, though there are others). I'm still a teeny bit disturbed by this, however, and I plan to resume normalcy once the semester is over. And by normal I mean I would like to be a better person.

Though after getting laid twice in a week after not at all for six months, my desire for that has dropped off a little too.

Perhaps it was all the drama that sprang up.

A [nondenominational entity] knows I don't need to deal with relationshit right now. I've got enough going on as it is; I'm committed thoroughly to schoolwork, paying bills, and maintaining some semblance of a sane person.